Hot Dogs or Legs
From the makers of the Dos Equis guy memes and kids eating tide pods comes: Hot dogs or Legs... the amazingly pointless game taking the internet by storm! The premise is simple, determine whether the picture in question depicts hot dogs or legs. Thats it. It's so profoundly stupid and yet the urge to guess is insatiable- you have to do it. Try not to, I dare you. It's simply not possible.
This just goes to show that despite hostile political polarization, mammoth hurricanes and depressing news-tertainment, people will always find the time to post dumb shit on the internet. It makes me proud to be a goddamn American. Think about it, while some people are organizing town halls and calling their congresswomen, these people are sitting on beaches with a bags of hot dogs getting ready for a goddamn photo shoot. Its so beautifully ludicrous.
I can see it now...
They haphazardly open the bag of hot dogs (because there's no way they remembered a knife), then they carefully select the two most leg-like meat cylinders and stage them at the perfect angle. Then they take 30-40 pictures or so, until they get the most convincing leg facsimile and then proudly post it on the internet and wait for the comments to pour in. It's so fucking gross and beautiful.
What happens to the hot dogs after the photo shoot you may wonder?! They throw them to the sky-rat seagulls because skinny beach people don't eat hot dogs.. and if they did, it would probably be a choking hazard.
Say what you will about stupidity but It's this kind of ignorant optimism and unimpeachable sense of humor that might just get us out of this modern mess. Look, we can't all focus on the important things. Sure, stuffs important; starving children, human rights... yadda yadda, but it's not funny. So, yeah, some of us aren't listening. incidentally, we are the same people who laughed at Uranus in science class and and cited Seymour Butt's 'under the bleachers' in our English bibliographies. (Side note, why did we have to learn that? I have never once had to cite my sources using fancy indentation and punctuation as an adult and I was certainly not docked points for failing to use an actual book. What gives Mrs. Kenmore?)
The point is, some of us have to spend our time generating the funny stuff or we'll all go down in non-hilarious flames. When a news anchor says, "it has risen 9 inches in the last hour alone." someone needs to be there with a quick, "that's what she said." When Matthew McConaughey stars in a space movie wherein he doesn't age, someone needs to say, "The thing I like about earth girls is.. they keep getting older, and I stay the same age." When a sleeveless man in Florida accidentally shoots himself in the dick someone needs to say, "Well at least they're sterilizing themselves, it will save us the trouble." The gritty business of cheap chuckles is how we maintain balance as a unified blob. The ebb and flow from the serious to the slapstick keeps people from reaching the extremes if their nature. Serious people need a bit of comic relief and just as funny people need someone to make fun of. Ok that was a joke, but you knew what you were getting into.
What I'm saying is, no person exists separate from the whole; no one lives in a vacuum. Kings, revolutionaries and jesters, we all matter. We make a difference to one another and we all have our rolls to play.
My roll, IS to play... and be funny, be amused by hot dog legs, and write funny blog posts. It's not much, but its what I have to contribute. Because a laugh in the dark can be a spark of light. Because a dog butt wearing sunglasses can be a face and 55378008 upside down on a calculator spells "Boobless" and from the right angle hot dogs look like legs goddamit. God bless friggin America.